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One day after a boating trip with my mate Neil on a friend of ours Tupperware boat we both decided this is the life “we will get us one of these boats but the way we go about boating it best be one of them metal ones, as the Tupperware one was showing its vulnerability in our care.
So for the next day or two we are both convinced we need one as it’s the only way to travel the country and we need one quick!
After about a week of searching around the magazines it looks like we have found a boat advertised for sale on the internet, and it’s local in Evesham.
So I trip was hastily arranged to see “boat” she is or was advertised as a 62foot Black Prince ex hire 1997 just what we are looking for having experienced black prince boats before, we are in the know about these particular vessels.
Saturday comes around its viewing day and we found ourselves Neil and myself aboard Ladybird reg 501700, well the salesman couldn’t believe his luck when we said she is perfect just needs a touch up here and there, to try and lose the ex hire look we thought a couple of weekends with some simple DIY skills and we will have us one perfect narrow boat!.
We did the right thing and had the hull surveyed, we thought no point surveying the interior as we are going to make a few changes, so she was pulled out the water and passed with flying colours, though we did enquire why the floor at the blunt bit was rotting away, apparently she got wet in the recent floods of the river Avon, no problem said the salesman “we will replace that section of floor for you”.
After the new bit of floor was put down its time for a test drive, my partner in this little caper knows all about “test drives after all he does sell cars for a living.
During the “test drive” we noticed that the rudder thing was shaking me teeth loose I thought this can’t be right my mates Tupperware boat don’t rattle like this contraption does!!
It transpires that the bearing for the rudder thing as run out of good days and requires replacing also the propeller was vibrating like a clapped out Morris minor, as my mate Neil pointed out, if we get that mended she will be fine.
After the sale went through we decided we would take her on a little trip to Newbury and park her oops I mean moor her at the back of B&Q on the Kennett and Avon, then we can nip up the towpath pick up the odds and sods required to turn our boat into something else.
So we got us a boat we know where we are going, and we sailed out the marina all fired up and ready for the trip, the salesman and most of the marina staff stood on the exit to the river Avon waving and smiling as we left, that’s nice of them to see us off in style “I like this boating caper there all so friendly” I remarked to Neil who was wearing a suspicious frown.
After passing through Bidford on Avon I said “put kettle on lad” we need a brew “were out of luck” we got no water strange I was sure they told us she has been filled up with water, oh well no problem we will find a water point and fill her up for the journey.
After a while we found a water point and spent the next hour waiting for the tank to fill “seems to be taking a long time don’t you think, I thought suppose it must have a large tank on it and after all it is an ex hire boat used to having a lot of people aboard so a big tank makes sense.
Water tank now full, kettle on “this is the life mate not a care in the world” I remarked as the kettle whistled away. After our brew we set of with the intention of making it to Stratford on Avon for an overnight stop.
Well we never got as far as we thought as the light was fading fast so we moored up just below the last lock before Stratford, it was then we encountered what we thought was a UFO approaching all lights blazing, me and Neil stood open mouthed on the sharp bit, panic over it was a restaurant boat out on an evening trip, the skipper of the UFO not happy with us “what your doing there he enquired” parked it up for the night I replied, to which he shrugged his shoulders and set of into the dark, maybe there not all as friendly as them nice people at the marina I said.
Next morning bright and early “kettle on again” and and soon we was passing the Shakespeare theatre looking for the entrance to Stratford basin, found it and after a nifty turn we are on the Stratford Canal.
Here we met John the owner of the Tupperware boat who as turned up for a days boating up the Stratford Canal He was shouting orders from the end of a mooring at us when he suddenly disappeared from view, the next sighting of him was just his head and shoulders above the waterline, he fell in!!!
Well we got him on board “Ladybird “(that name is going to change) and after a shower and a change of clothes we were of again.
Everything was going just fine the boat going in the direction we were pointing it, no problems operating the locks, “this is as good as it gets” I informed Neil , who was still pondering why it took so long to fill the water tank.
We got john steering the boat after is bath in the canal, thought he would like a go with a tiller as opposed to his ships wheel on his Tupperware boat, he was concentrating that hard on getting through the bridge holes, that he just watched a willow branch brush my glasses of the roof of the boat into the cut, that boys a Jonah!!
Next lock he misjudged and slammed into the lock gate, which ended up with our breakfast flying of the stove. It was john’s last trip on our boat!
Soon we was on the Grand Union Canal heading for Hatton Locks, we moored for the evening, just up from the pub!
We all had showers got changed and spent the evening in the pub, no problem with water we got loads of it I remarked, no need to fill her up in the morning it will last us at least three days.
After Breakfast the next morning we are away again, lovely run down to Warwick making the most of the scenery passing our boat, when one of our crew says “we got no water!!” well it don’t come out the tap when I turn it on!
So we found another watering point and spent another hour waiting for the tank to fill, you don’t think we could have a leak somewhere Neil implied. So we did a check around the plumbing and found a drip from the water pump, this was repaired and we were soon on our way again “ good job we found the leak should not have to keep stopping at every watering point now I said to a very concerned Neil.
It’s an ex hire boat you can expect the odd thing to fail, she has had a hard life being bumped about the canals, its normal with boats, thing do go wrong
Well the next evening the eberspaecher heater decided not to work, and the next morning we were out of diesel!! You sure it was a good idea to buy this boat? Neil said, I never answered that one.
After running round filling up jerry cans with diesel, and giving up on trying to get the heater to work we set of on our way down south
Next day the water tank was empty again, how much water does this thing use we thought, looks like we are going to spend the rest of our lives searching for water point, surely we don’t use that much water.
Eventually we stopped at Fenny Compton boat yard, to be asked “is that a black prince boat you got there its sitting a bit low in the water how many are on board?
Think you might have a problem! The stern is a bit deep in the water he said to a couple of bemused so called boaters.
Think he might have a point it does seem a bit of an uphill walk to the sharp bit we noticed,
A bit of a look in the hot water cupboard is required seeing as that’s where the hot water is stored, so we ripped the cupboard door of and found out there was as much water in the boat as she was sitting in, you sure this boat is the right one Neil said to a very shocked me!!!
Tell you what we buy a bilge pump and a bit of tube and pump the water into the canal, must be the water out that leaking pump, must have been leaking for some time we said after half an hour of pumping water out, might as well have a fill up of water while we are here I said.
Under way once again this time we are floating above the gunnels, and she swims well this boat now it’s not running as a water tanker
That evening all happy on board now that we have sorted the water problems, still no heating, but what do you expect, after all she is ten years old, best get some dinner cooking, the cooker works!
After the dinner was cooked we sat down at the dining table and noticed that the floor at the sharp bit had a spring to it, so after dinner we thought we would take a look under the seats at the sharp bit and found it to our dismay that the floor is rotted away.
At this rate if we ever get parked up at the rear of B&Q they are going to welcome us with open arms, this is looking like a new floor now, who in there right minds buys the first boat they look at?.
Neil is starting to suspect we may have a leaking water tank, but how do you get to that? It’s under the deck on at the sharp bit, see I do know a bit about boats. Not enough to stop buying this floating, rotting, leaking, freezing excuse for a narrow boat!
Once again all that isn’t broken or leaking is working well, we are enjoying the run down the “oxford canal heading for the river Thames, its late afternoon and we spotted “The Rock of Gibraltar” found a mooring at the bottom of there garden and settled in for the evening, that night the rugby international was on the TV so we thought that’s our evening sorted then, several other boaters had the same idea and we ended up triple breasted, desperate, the local coal boat, and a floating village shop, completely blocking the canal, thought we might get a mention on the traffic reports on radio 2 but they never heard of us.
We were soon on the Thames and we had to get a Thames license from the first lock we encountered, the lock keeper asked us the name of the boat, uurgh “desperate” I replied, she replied “what are you desperate”? No I am not desperate it’s the boats name I replied. Well best you write the name “Desperate” on two cards and place them in the rear windows.
We soon got to like the name and later on it became official.
We found the entrance to the Kennet &Avon canal, going round the first bend I encountered a transit van in the canal, after rubbing my eyes, and having a second look, yes that’s definitely a transit van, trying to avoid hitting it, as I was not sure if we are insured, for colliding with a sunken van, need to check the small print on our policy.
Eventually we were in sight of our destination when after a bit of footwork we found out we got no chance of parking it behind B&Q its to shallow, so we had to find a mooring for it.
This time we had some luck and found a mooring in Newbury, so we got on our mooring and Neil went of to get a gorilla bar, a fearsome looking tool especially in Neil’s hands he is a big lad and soon there was bits of boat being ripped out to expose the water tank.
This is when our bit of “tidying up the boat” took a turn for the worst to get the bulkhead out you need to remove the wood beneath the gunnels, which was firmly attached to the dining furniture so out came the dining seating and now “Ladybird is looking like its about to be condemned as unfit for habitation. Next thing to go is the kitchen; I never did like the layout, so into the skip went the kitchen.
At last we can get the tank out, and found out that it is split along the seam hence that’s where all that water been coming from.
With the water tank sitting on top of the boat, and bits of kitchen, dining furniture and other bits of broken timber being carried of the boat, the owners of the mooring were starting to get a bit anxious!. We were beginning to understand that a mooring for your boat is somewhere you can sit and relax and take pleasure in, and not turn up most weekends’ hell bent on destruction like we were doing.
After a night in the pub we decided why do we need two toilets we could rive that out and it would give us more space, there’s a toilet at the blunt bit which is staying so why not eh, things started to take on a different angle now, that toilet is connected to a tank which if I remember is under that bed, so out came the gorilla bar again and yes there is a tank under the bed, a tank that has been holding pooh for the last ten years are you sure this is a good idea I said to Neil!!
So we had a trip out to the local boatyard for a pump out and a flush through, told the feller of our intentions to rip out the poo tank and he just looked on in disbelief “are these two comedians for real or what! He was thinking.
The next weekend we had managed to get the owner of a plasma cutter involved in this little DIY project we had embarked upon. Forgot to tell him it’s a pooh tank!!
Soon we had the top of the tank; to find out the pump out wasn’t an overriding success there four inches of pooh still in the bottom of the tank,
This is when a bit of thinking comes in useful as up to now we hadn’t really done any thinking about what we were doing to this boat.
This is getting “desperate” now “Neil” said, which I replied we got us a name for this boat, “Desperate” I said the boat name, we will call it Desperate!
After a couple of pints to celebrate the naming of Desperate we were in Pets “r” Us buying up most of there stock of cat litter, we will throw that in the tank shovel it about a bit and bung it in bin bags. And to my knowledge none of us are showing any symptoms of “black death” so a good job well done.
Now the owners of the marine we were in were starting to panic a bit, what with the sparks flying and the pooh shovelling going on so we thought it best to move, it would appear that we had over stayed our welcome, but where are we going to put the remainder of a 62 foot narrow boat then I asked?
In my car showroom Neil replied, how we are going to get “Desperate into your showroom then? Don’t know but we will find a way Neil said.
I had a dream that one day I would be the owner or have shares in a narrow boat and it looks like my dream was coming together although turning into a nightmare, we got the boat or should I say what’s left of it, now its coming out the water and going into a car showroom!
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